• Wednesday, 12 July 2017

    What I've Learnt From Three Years of Marriage

    This blog post has become a bit of a tradition for me around our anniversary, so believe it or not me and Jay are celebrating our third year of marriage today. I'm not one for public affection online in general, so I'll keep this as un-mushy as possible.

    The little things are still annoying.
    Three years in and I can confidently say there are some things about each other that will never change. I will always be a chatty insomniac that likes to discuss the mysteries of the universe when Jay is really tired. Jay will always want to bore me to tears with fascinating facts from whatever recent documentary he's watching. (See, I chose to be diplomatic and share a very minor annoyance on the internet, because *maturity*) As much as you work on these things and whilst I think we're both improving our bad habits, some things will always irritate us about one another. The trick is not wanting to murder one another and accepting these things. As anyone in a marriage or long term relationship can tell you, it's very easy for your feelings to change very quickly towards one another, but it's remembering the underlining feelings of love and affection you have for each other. Even when they're snoring louder than a congested grizzly bear having a nightmare.

    We're definitely no longer 'newly-weds.'
    Being married for three years and being together for six years means that, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw 'romance has given way to reality.' Neither of us were ever big on romance anyway, but still, there was once a time when we wouldn't fart in front of each other. Admittedly, colitis is a contributing factor to that one. Also it was much harder to find pictures of the two of us this year.

    We use each other to form an opinion.
    Now, I don't know if this is just us, but whenever an issue comes up in the news or is generally on trend, me and Jay will discuss it pretty much from every angle going. Occasionally some of the things we come out with aren't actually what we think and can sometimes be a teeny bit problematic. Now bare with me here before you all jump down my throats. Online trolls who claim to play 'devils advocate' are some of the most irritating people around and I'm not suggesting it's helpful in any way. But when it's just the two of us, we speak pretty openly and are constantly going back on and correcting ourselves. Me and Jay look at the world in two different ways - we're very similar politically (to be fair, if we did differ that much we'd have a very difficult marriage) - but I come from a very emotional point of view and Jay is much more logical. By arguing until we're sometimes blue in the face, within a space where we're not going to insult or belittle each other (don't feed the trolls people!), we definitely understand things better and come to more balanced, informed opinions.

    Holidays are so, so important.
    In the past year by some miracle, we've actually been on two holidays. Admittedly, I ruined the first one by getting concussed at Rhodes' water park and staying in bed for the remainder of the week. Thus the need for the second one to Amsterdam. Before the first one, we hadn't been away together since our honeymoon. Honestly, our trip to Amsterdam in April was the first decent amount of time we'd spent together in a good few months. I came back feeling so much more relaxed and happy. It's a funny thing, when you live with someone, you nearly always see them less. Having a holiday booked in advance gives you something to look forward to as well, meaning that even if you're exhausted and grumpy and haven't had a conversation beyond 'Did you take out the bins?' you know that some time for just you two is booked in - which is why we're off to Madeira in October.

    We know the scripted answer to the 'so, kids?' question off by heart.
    "No, not just yet. Maybe in five or ten years, but we're still not sure if we want them, neither of us have the desperate urge yet."
    This has not changed since we got married. Seriously, I've been saying 'maybe in ten years time' for three years. And since I got the 10 year coil fitted, I have a legitimate excuse now. By the way guys, stop asking. It's rude.

    Working together really isn't that difficult.
    There's an age-old piece of advice that people dish out to couples, 'Don't work together! You'll see each other way too much and resent each other!' Well, I'm here to call bull on that. Now, me and Jay don't actually work together full time, but because we're both in events (me producing, him as a technician) we actually call on favours from each other a lot and work on joint projects. And we actually make a pretty good team. I've learnt a good amount about a lot of tech from him which has helped me further in my work, because I build better relationships with technicians I work with and understand what we need better. I think understanding each other's work more can only be a positive thing for us.

    Puppies are exhausting.
    And we only puppy-sit my parents' dog occasionally.

    1 comment:

    1. This is the first one of your yearly series, and all I can say is that I absolutely love this! I can imagine how irritating it is for people to be asking you when you're going to have kids or not, and like you said it's super rude! Keep doing you and being the happy couple that you are xxx

      Melina | www.ivefoundwaldo.com