• Monday, 21 November 2016

    Things I've learnt after 2 and a bit years of marriage...

    Previously, I wrote a post about the lessons one year of marriage has taught me, so I thought I'd do the same. Although this post is very delayed, as our two year anniversary was in July... Believe it or not, I'm the organised one of the two of us. 

    Spending time together is much harder than you think it will be.

    In the past year, Jay has started a new job, which he loves (yay), but which also has a lot of strange hours (boo). My current work varies a lot, because in theory I'm a freelance event producer - or at least that's what I told all my former colleagues when I quit retail - but I also temp with a work agency to cover bills. We are still yet to find a routine and often spend a few days apart due to travel arrangements. As much as both of us, being introverted as we are, value this precious alone time, it can get really easy to go a week without spending time together.
    Also, due to our lack of disposable income and my desire to own all the shoes that ever existed, we don't always have the financial means to go do fun things together. It's quite easy to fall into the trap of domesticity and end up spending our limited time together eating pasta in front of Netflix and staring at our phones. We try to take advantage of good theatre ticket deals, free galleries and the cinema voucher we got for Christmas last year (an excellent gift idea for any couple, fyi) when we can. When everything else fails, leaving our phones at home and going for a night time stroll, admittedly usually to Tesco to get ice cream, is really helpful.

    Being grateful is really, really important.
    Jay is a wonderful human being, who I am very happy to be married to. Soz, mushy. But obviously, there are times when I forget this. So whenever possible, I like to take a moment to remember how much of a kind, lovely man Jay is. These often come after Jay gives me food. I do still get those butterfly, squishy moments when I can't stop smiling about how good I have it, without any prompting. I don't know if I should expect these to fade the longer we've been together, but I hope they don't. But if and when they do, I hope I can consciously choose to think about Jay with gratitude.

    I will always feel like I do 90% of the housework.
    Because I do. Kidding. Ish.
    Also, going on strike from housework to see how long it takes your other half to notice the house is a health violation and do some cleaning, is not effective. It's guaranteed that I'll give in before he does. Passive aggression is possibly not the way forward to fix this particular problem.

    I still have to explain why I'm married at 23.
    Apparently 23 is still considered stupidly young to have a husband and people's reactions aren't that different to when I was 20 and had a husband. However, now that I can reply to the question 'how long have you been married?' and give the answer of 2 and a bit years, people generally shut up.

    I'm rubbish at using my married name.
    I think this is mostly because I used to be a Smith, which nobody ever questioned, and now I'm a Chastney I get confused every time I have to spell it for someone or correct how they pronounce it. It's Chast (like a chastity belt) - nee (like a knee), for anyone confused. I use Smith a lot to save time. I still maintain that the whole tradition with changing your name is not actually about you. It is very, very rare that I call Jay by his surname or vice versa. I will also strangle anyone that calls me Mrs Chastney (excluding my very nice GP, because I got registered as that and I'm too awkward to ask them to change it now) because it makes me sound about 100. Titles are completely unnecessary, in my humble opinion. Just call me Martha.

    We both put on weight.
    Probably from the late night Tesco trips...

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